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The KLR Prayer

Yea, and though I ride in the valley of darkness, I shall fear no F650 or XR650L, for mine is a righteous and holy bike, for thus spaketh the Lord to me from on high, saying...

Thou shalt modify thy stock airbox and lose thy restrictive air filter, for it is unholy.

Thou shalt cut large holes and install K&N.

Thou shalt whooosh and roar.

Thou shalt remove thine stock exhaust, and ensconce it in thy holy shrine/garage.

Thou shalt now smite thine enemies with thy custom exhaust, and weareth earplugs in thine ears.

And thou shalt limp past the law, with thy noise and thy fury.

Thou shalt explore the outer limits of engine-braking, and backfire and hurl fireballs from thy tailpipe.

Thou shalt hurl old sparkplugs over thy shoulder, lest cagers molest thee.

Thou shalt marvel that none dare tailgate thee.

Thou shalt seeketh Fred-Of-Moab and Eldon Carl - The Oracle of Valve Adjustments - and revel in their wisdom.

Thou shalt install Progressive Springs and heavy fork oil and kiss thy nose-dive goodbye.

Thou shalt exorcise thy dirt-handling demons and cast down thy Dunlop K750's, for they carry the Mark of the Beast. Thy rubber footpegs are evil and shall injure thee.

Thou shalt empty thy savings upon Big Gun, rear shock, luggage racks, fork brace, and knobby tires, and thou shalt revel in tire wear.

Thou shalt remain joyeous whilst jostling thine innards upon every road imperfection.

Thou shalt not front-brake in the dirt and lowside.

Thou shalt void thy warranty, that the evil minions of the foul Kawi dealers shall not besmirch thy valves with tightness, underfilleth thine oil sump, ruin thy bolts, or damage thy engine with chain over- tightening.

Thou shalt purchase undercostly stickers, that the heathen may further marvel at what beauty Kawi has wrought.

Thou shalt wear body armor and boots and gloves and full-face helmet.

Thou must not visit early due to crash.

Thou shalt purchase sealed battery, for thine is too meek. Thou shalt marvel at the ease of installation.

Thou must have pristine tool collection.

Thou shalt install Dunlopad brake pads upon thy stock calipers, so that they may give forth their fruits more quickly.

Thou shalt pray and asketh for right-of-way infringements nevermore.

Thou shalt feed thy one cylinder well that it might service thee better.

Thou shalt revel in the power of non-oxygenated gasoline.

Thou shalt visit a gas station less often than thy cylinder-laden brethren.

Thou shalt quest for the likes of a turbocharger, and someday installeth one under thine tank.

Thou shalt run unholy (just this once) boost levels. And thus thou shalt humiliate thine enemies, both at the track and in the streets.

Thou shalt lose thy clutch switch, kickstand switch, and cast down thy glass fuses and install large wires so that thy stator may give forth its fruits more readily. Thou shalt become compulsive about these things.

Thou shalt seek professional counseling.

Thy horsepower is now mighty.

Thou shalt belong to DSN_KLR650 list, and adorn thy messages with NKLR, so that thy fellow road warriors might revel in thine glory with thee and seek the righteous path for themselves.

And lastly…

Let us pray, that thou shalt not ever place thy KLR in a trailer.

Amen.







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