Things I've Learned From My Children
Anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas.
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.foot house 4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 3 year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is no strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman-cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCR's do not eject Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5 minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- Eggs in the shell and microwave ovens give a whole new meaning to scrambled.
- A whole box of some detergents in a washing machine can fill a laundry room to the ceiling or cover a patio to the depth of ten feet if applied to a working hot tub.
- It cost $358.00 to have water removed from the gas tank and fuel system of a Blazer.
- In San Antonio the police question you if you take an accident prone child to the emergency twice in three days.
- It is virtually impossible to flush a cat down the toilet.